Emergency planning for a mayor disaster

Did you know that the council is partly responsible for emergency planning in the event of a major disaster, see this page. We're all doomed but at least every Capita employee will be safe?

Mr Mustard may have got the title slightly wrong, or there again he may not have?

On his way to a committee room this week Mr Mustard came across a pile of the July 2014 Barnet First magazine, which thankfully hadn't been shoved through his "no junk mail" letterbox and which he supposed it was his civic duty to read, having forgotten his copy of Private Eye which he reads during the quieter moments of dull committee meetings.

The back page is called "working hours" and is a sort of "a day in the life of" a council employee and this month it is the turn of the senior mayoral support officer in which the employee concerned starts by saying it is about more than driving the mayor around. Of course it is, you have to wash the car as well, look after the regalia & robes and the Mayor's parlour at which point we must have a slight diversion:

And I’ve a many curious things to shew when you are there.”
Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”

“I’m sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?” said the Spider to the Fly.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I’ll snugly tuck you in!”
Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “for I’ve often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!”

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, “Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I’ve always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that’s nice;
I’m sure you’re very welcome — will you please to take a slice?”
“Oh no, no,” said the little Fly, “kind Sir, that cannot be,
I’ve heard what’s in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!”

“Sweet creature!” said the Spider, “you’re witty and you’re wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I’ve a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you’ll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself.”
“I thank you, gentle sir,” she said, “for what you’re pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I’ll call another day.”

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
“Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple — there’s a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!”

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue –
Thinking only of her crested head — poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour — but she ne’er came out again!

And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne’er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor~, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

~ Councillor, surely? (Ed)

and continuing with the duties of this person:

"advising the mayor on protocol" which Mr Mustard would suggest ought to include that an officer and a gentleman wouldn't call on tenants unannounced at 10pm at night.

Now we look at where the mayor has been and this Mr Mustard has cut and paste from the original article to save you going out to your recycling bin.

If Mr Mustard was of a cynical turn of mind he might think that the mayor is off indulging his hobbies at our expense. Can't he see our cadets at their Barnet base or entertain them in his parlour? How often is often? Does anyone feel a freedom of information request coming on?

Finally the Friday Joke, a day late, but never mind

Hugh Rayner, first citizen or worst citizen? You decide. You can always email him at cllr.h.rayner@barnet.gov.uk if you have any words of advice on protocol, decorum, morality, how not to bring disgrace on ones office etc. Feel free to blind copy Mr Mustard in at mrmustard@zoho.com as he likes a laugh.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard