22 August 2014

The Friday Joke

Mr Mustard has been rather busy with a small mountain of PCN since he came back from attending a wedding in Sri Lanka and hasn't had much time to breathe, let alone for humour but then along comes an email that was sent to councillors by a motorist who was aggrieved at his PCN:

Dear Councillors / others

I write this email to express my utter dismay and disgust not only at the conduct of one of the traffic wardens (or Civil Enforcement Officer as you ridiculously insist on calling them and having us call them) that is employed by my local council, but also at the conduct of your parking enforcement department that is bizarrely situated in Sheffield (which is, errrm, let me see, yes several hundred miles away from this borough) and indeed the conduct of the London Borough of Barnet itself whose nefarious and unscrupulous parking regulations have already once been highlighted and shamed by the BarnetCPZ Action Group who dismantled your unfair policies with far more eloquence than I could ever hope to do.

The reason that I am writing to you 5 Councillors in particular is that some of you represent my ward (i.e. where I live) and some of you represent the ward where a supposed parking violation took place (in East Barnet). I don't for one second expect any of you to reply to this email or indeed to get a reply at all, I merely wanted to vent my anger and to let it be known that the underhand, sly and devious tactics of one of your traffic wardens (well many of them for all I know) was completely lacking in moral fibre and should not be tolerated.

I believe the warden who issued ticket PCN number: AG******** should be fired immediately and should be forced to send me an apology forthwith for tricking/conniving me into parking where I should not have been, details as below.

I also believe that the odious little pen-pusher who goes by the name of Redacted (as with the traffic warden no full name or direct contact details and hence totally unaccountable) and who sits up in Sheffield, hiding behind his Mr Byrite suit whilst tucking into his Boots meal-deal sandwich and casually dismissing the most logical of appeals so that he can send out his poisonous missives instead, either needs to get more sex whereupon he might stop acting like a frustrated little Hitler, or alternatively needs to have the rod, which is presumably wedged firmly up his anus, removed so that he might be slightly more flexible and indeed willing to show a little more milk of human kindness.

I parked on a road called Barons Gate in East Barnet and was assured by this warden that as I was aiding a very elderly lady who needed my help in walking and since I would only be no more than 2 minutes, he would turn a blind eye to my indiscretion of parking on a single yellow line if I was quick. I returned to my car very promptly and he was standing close to it but informed me he was NOT giving me a ticket but the car behind mine. It might interest you to know that I have photographic evidence of him holding a parking ticket as I was driving off which thereby proves he did not even place said ticket on my car. I will use this photographic evidence in court when I attend the PATAS hearing. It was thus a shock which sickened me to my core when I received a letter from the Council a number of weeks later informing me that this festering dog-turd of a man had in fact decided to go back on his promise and had issued a ticket to my vehicle without even having the gall to mention it to my face or to slap it on my windscreen. He had basically lied to me so that you as a borough could collect your stinking £65 (I'll send the pound of flesh on later) and he could collect his 5 quid commission or whatever the going rate is these days.

If Barnet Council wishes to employ appalling specimens such as this man, whilst having other equally appalling men in Sheffield condoning that behaviour and attempting to justify it, well, it reflects extremely negatively on Barnet as a Council. Not surprising then that every single person I know who lives in this borough is sick to the back teeth with you lot. There was I thinking you were supposed to work for your electorate and make their lives easier.

Shame on this egregious collection of fools sitting in Hendon Town Hall.

Some sort of response would be nice but as said, totally unexpected.

Mr Mustard is now acting as representative and if the representations that have been made are similar (Mr Mustard did buy clothes in My Byrite when he first came to London in 1975 and excellent value they were too) he will be moderating them into a more professional format. The point is valid though, the PCN was not properly issued.

Mr Mustard does not recommend that you call a Notice Processing Officer names as that is hardly likely to lean them towards cancelling your PCN.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

Update : 1 September

On checking the PATAS results for today Mr Mustard saw that the council had decided to not contest this appeal which he describes as throwing in the towel. He has no idea if the council knew if he was acting and if this influenced their decision.

1 comment:

  1. What an excellent email. This really made my day. could not stop laughing.


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