25 May 2012

The Friday Joke - Mr Mustard is sent an FOI request

Yes that is correct, Mr Mustard who is often to be found lobbing FOI requests in the direction of Barnet Council (sorry FOI officers but it's not personal, it's because you work for an incompetently managed and secretive council) received two from an anonymous wag last Sunday.

Although not subject to the legislation, he decided to reply and rather sooner than Barnet Council can manage.

Here is the first question:-

Ref 007.01
When did Mr Mustard go vegetarian?
Why is he vegetarian?

Mr Mustard went sort of vegetarian in about 1967 (he eats fish and can eat liver! but hasn't eaten any meat for several years except in a sandwich which it was hard to discern the contents of at a buffet).
He went vegetarian because he decided he didn't like the taste of meat. He would keep pigs if he lived in the country (but he can't leave Barnet until his work is done).

and here is the second question:-

Ref 007.02
Which motorcycle did Mr Mustard learn to ride first?
What was the first motorcyle he bought?
Where is the best track/circuit Mr Mustard has ridden on?
As he was brought up in the countryside Mr Mustard first rode an old scooter in the fields, probably a lambretta or a piaggio and a complete wreck by the time the youth of the village had finished with it.
His first real motorcycle was technically a moped (as it had pedals) but it was designed with pedals that you didn't pedal, they folded up into the footrest position. It was a classic bike designed to get around the rules. It was the iconic Yamaha FSIE
every bloke who is now of a certain age had one of these
It was known as the Fizzy but at 49 c.c. and a maximum 31mph that was a misleading description of the "Putting the community first" type.

That was the last machine that Mr Mustard crashed, a graceful slide off on ice not far from the school gates.

The first proper motorbike was an MZ. (Stop him someone & quickly, Mr Mustard is off down memory lane, oh no, too late he has escaped) MZ an acronym, stands for Motorradwerk Zschopau (German for motorcycle factory at Zschopau) in the Erzgebirge region of Saxony
It was a hulk of a bike
untouched by the style police
Those mudguards were massive, the mirrors vibrated madly, the tyres were made of concrete, it was slow and heavy and the exhaust had to be decoked with caustic soda. It was cheap transport though.

That was sold and might still be running, who knows? Next was a BSA, the B40 with 350 c.c. and a kick starter. Mr Mustard took it up and down the A1 quite a lot. He remembers when kit wasn't as good and he used to tip his leather boots out in the sink on arriving after long wet journeys. What fun.
lovely comfy seat for the pillion
Mr Mustard has just sold his Honda Hornet and so is tempted to put a classic in the garage. Best he keeps away from the small ads. 

After that Mr Mustard had a Honda as the Japanese were starting to get going.

Being a twin this was easier to start and was better engineered and didn't leak oil everywhere.

Unfortunately Mr Mustard was on board this bike turning right at a green light in the City Road adjacent to Moorfields, when a car jumped the lights and swatted him off (the driver must have just come from out-patients?). A bruised shin was the only injury (would have got thousands for it in 2012) and Mr Mustard's recollection is that the forks were bent, the bike was sold and he started commuting into Finsbury Square from Palmers Green by train.
Now the best circuit question is a hard one. For now, until he tries some more, Park Algar is hard to beat. Mr Mustard has no idea who Bill Leeney is but he rides very smoothly and so is a joy to watch. the angle of the sky mimics the angle of the bike; luckily you don't realise the lean angle you carry and it's only too much if you fall off.
Mr Mustard's favourite section is the long long right hander from 2.05 onwards and then it's up the steep slope onto to the start finish straight and take the chequered flag.

If you are not satisfied with the answers given please send your request for a review to foi@barnet.gov.uk (who know more about bikes than you might expect).
Yours frugally
Mr Mustard 

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