Waaaaaaaaaah!

Here are some slides from a recent feasibility study for installing a "Landmark Library" in the artsdepot, a doomed idea which has now been kicked into the long grass for the second time this century. The money wasted would have run a much-loved local library for a year.

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Mr Mustard's supposedly Landmark Library

The words Landmark Library have cropped up time and time ago and no-one seemed to know what one was. Mr Mustard knew he had seen the detail somewhere and his alter ego being a debt collector he never forgets anything although his little grey cells work more slowly now that his brain is full of hundreds of council documents and facts and figures. His brain rolled back to the month in which he started blogging and in particular 29 March 2011 when Cabinet met and Mr Mustard sees from his diary that he was playing snooker that evening (badly!). In the Cabinet meeting the Strategic library review and its 7 recommendations were given the nod.

The report, which you can see on-line, runs to 115 pages. Here are the words that you need to know about Landmark Libraries. There is some duplication from different sections of the review.

Landmark libraries: These libraries will be amongst the busiest in London.

They will be in the busiest centres and will be on good transport routes where people regularly go.

They will have specialisms in higher education, further education and the arts and will have additional services will be available (sic) from One Barnet partners from benefits advice, CAB sessions, to additional ICT and learning lessons.

They will have:
A wide ranging, quality and comprehensive book stock
High quality children’s and young people’s activities, programmes, and spaces
A wide range of events and activities – reading groups, author events, learning sessions
High quality community meeting rooms and spaces
Spaces to study and relax
Longer opening hours

Landmark libraries:

1000 – 2000sqm sites, open 56.5 hours per week including Sundays.
These libraries will be located in the busiest centres and will be on good transport routes where people regularly go. Additional services will be available from One Barnet partners from benefits advice, CAB sessions, to additional ICT and learning lessons. 

They will have:
A wide ranging, quality and comprehensive book stock
High quality children’s and young people’s activities, programmes, and spaces
A wide range of events and activities – reading groups, author events, learning sessions
High quality community meeting rooms and spaces
Spaces to study and relax

Develop a physical network based around three landmark libraries (Hendon, Finchley, Chipping Barnet); nine leading libraries; two community libraries.

Description

This option would provide an efficient, well located within Barnet, based around a network of three landmark libraries, all offering a wide range of services, colocation with sympathetic (what?) services, lengthy opening hours, well-located within the borough to attract a large user base.

All three sites would be developed over the next five years to be amongst the most successful in London.

In addition, to provide extensive coverage across the borough, a network of nine leading libraries would be maintained offering extensive stock collections, community spaces, study areas, internet access and online resources.

This could be expanded with (the) creation of a new library in Brent Cross/Cricklewood.

Link Libraries would be developed to provide a joint service with partner agencies to offer an innovative service.

A comprehensive activity programme would be developed, and community and third sector partners engaged in designing a facility to meet local needs and improve support for reading and learning.

Now go back up to the feasibility slides and see how many of them fitted into the 1,000 to 2,000 square metre range. Chipping Barnet library is Mr Mustard's nearest library and that has 1,500 square metres of space and so fits within the size definition. None of the options identified in the feasibility study were more than two thirds of the size of the 1,630 Chipping Barnet library which Mr Mustard regards as adequate rather than Landmark. Mr Mustard is now worried about the Capita Symonds costings as they have added together the 2 floors of his local library being 1070 and 560 and got the answer 1,650 instead of 1,630. How far out is their minimum cost figure of £3,300,000? Would any construction industry experts who happen to be reading confirm the price at which you could build a new library of 1,005 sq m as Mr Mustard would hazard that it would cost between £1m and £2m.

So only one option just managed to break into the size criteria and so rather than a Landmark Library ever being an option only a molehill library was even remotely on the cards. Now Mr Mustard's value for money brain is throbbing. If a Landmark Library was truly required were Crapita Symonds only asked for options that met a criteria of 1,000 sq. m. or were they simply asked what size library they could shoehorn into the artsdepot? Whose stupid idea was it to even try and put a library into this building? Was it the brainchild of Cllr Robert Rams or did someone else suggest it and he end up having to flog it (like a dead horse)? Robert, do tell.

On November 17th November there is a FREE writers workshop at the best library in town, The Friern Barnet Library and Community Hub. The workshop is by Greenacre Writers and Mr Mustard notes that they have a short story group. He hopes to get along to the workshop as he has started a short story, provisionally entitled Waaaaaaaaaah! and he needs to finish it.

Robert came home late from the council chamber & sat on the sofa sobbing. What's wrong darling, his wife asked tenderly, gently brushing the tears from his suntanned face, did your beloved football team lose again? No, whined Robert, nobody loves me. I was going to leave such a lovely legacy to people, a new library, and yet the public don't like it, I don't understand them. 

I'm afraid to go to Friern Barnet because they had an effigy of me at an outdoor library which was more popular even in the pouring rain than my lovely little library inside a nice warm artsy building. They put horns on a picture of me, waaaaaaaaaah.

Oh dry your tears Robert, they were probably just having a bit of fun, they wouldn't actually harm you dear. Sticks and stones Robert said his wife whilst thinking to herself oh dear, it's words in the printed form that have got him into trouble.

Robert bleated on. Squatters have occupied my building and they are more popular than me. Waaaaaaaaaah. I asked the Court to evict them, it should have been a 5 minute job but the Judge liked them more than me and let them stay for a while. Waaaaaaaaaah.

Robert was now in full flow, waaaaaaaaaah, and, sniff, I am behind on budget he said because I have had to pay for security guards, and overtime, and extra rent, and for some consultants, and I can't sell the building, it's only an old building, it doesn't matter, waaaaaaaaaah...........

and so the story continued...........

Did it have a happy ending? Mr Mustard hasn't written the ending yet but has a funny feeling in his bones that the completed story will have a happy ending for the public who get a new extended library in Friern Barnet and an unhappy one for Robert who finds himself in 2014 once again a complete unknown and misses seeing his name in print in local blogs and being told off by an angry lady for tweeting in council meetings. 

Feel free to write your own ending. Waaaaaaaaaah!

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

Note: Any resemblance to characters living or dead is, of course, entirely coincidental.