8 August 2011

The Life of Brian - no, not the obvious one !

As readers will know the famous five Barnet Bloggers recently wrote to 62 Barnet Councillors asking them questions about the Metpro debacle.

Councillor Brian Gordon evidently was unamused as his reply read :-

"I'm not wasting my time answering bloggers."


Cllr. Brian Gordon

Conservative, Hale Ward

London Borough of Barnet

Mobile:  07931 300679
email : bcg@fmrg.co.uk

Tut tut councillor. Bloggers are votes and human beings as well you know. Mr Mustard wouldn't be surprised if your inbox suddenly fills up and you get a load of sms messages. Oh and Mrs Angry is just carrying out your performance appraisal so you haven't helped yourself have you ? Mr Mustard has a different approach and here it is, with apologies to Monty Python :

Councillor Brian Gordon : What have The Romans Bloggers ever done for us?

Resident 1: Safety. Well MetPro for a start. Bloggers told us that the council was using unlicensed security guards.

Cllr Gordon : What, oh yeah, Safety, but what have Barnet Bloggers ever done for us ?

Resident 2 : Democracy & Accountability. Their well researched blogs reach a wider audience than the turgid Council website. Four of the bloggers, VickiM57, The Barnet Eye, Mrs Angry & Mr Reasonable have all asked tough questions at council meetings.

Cllr Gordon : OK yeah, Safety Democracy & Accountability, but what have Barnet Bloggers ever done for us ?

Resident 3 : Free Advertising. The blogs have thousands of readers, especially the Barnet Eye and there is no production cost for the council of coverage that includes council committee meetings.

Resident 4 : A Review of spending over £500

Cllr Gordon : OK all right,  Safety Democracy, Accountability, Advertising & a regular Spending Review, but what have Barnet Bloggers ever done for us ?

Resident 5 : Approval by Eric Pickles MP - he hasn't said Barnet Council is great but he has that the bloggers are.

Resident 6 : Performance Appraisals by Mrs Angry for councillors which the council promised to start a year ago.

Cllr Gordon : OK yeah, all right,  Safety, Democracy, Accountability, Advertising, a regular Spending Review, Eric Pickles's endorsement & Performance Appraisals, but what have Barnet Blogger's ever done for us ?

Resident 7 : Free error correction in reports. Mr Reasonable picked up an error of £1.25m in a One Barnet report, Mr Mustard spotted that 1,000,000 telephone calls were missing and that the sub-totals in another report were several million out, none of which the officers or councillors noticed

Resident 8 : Audit services - Mr Reasonable and Mrs Angry met with the external auditors to try and improve the accuracy of the Accounts and to sample test the figures.

Residents 9 : Residents' Forums. Despite their appalling format the bloggers are present at nearly every forum.

Cllr Gordon : Yeah yeah, all right fair enough. But apart from Safety Democracy, Accountability, Advertising, a regular Spending Review, Eric Pickles's endorsement, Performance Appraisals, Free Error correction, Audit Services & Attending Residents' Forums,  what have Barnet Bloggers ever done for us ?

Resident 10 : Saved our money. The council used to pay £17 p.h. to MetPro but now pay less than £10 p.h. to their competitor and they have the proper bits of paper.

Resident 11 : Provide Minutes of Meetings sometimes in writing and by audio tape and video and make it more interesting.

Resident 12 : Identify Waste. Mr Reasonable found that £300,000 had been wasted on the Brunswick Park Hub. That money alone could have kept two libraries open.

Resident 13 : Big Society: the Barnet Bloggers all work together for the common good.

Resident 14 : Amusement. Just look at their April 1 jokes. The council is of course one big joke all year round.

Cllr Gordon : Yeah yeah. But apart from Safety Democracy, Accountability, Advertising, a regular Spending Review, Eric Pickles's endorsement, Performance Appraisals, Free Error correction, Audit Services, Attending Residents' Forums, Saved Money, Minuted Meetings, Identified Waste & joined together in the Big Society, what have Barnet Blogger's ever done for us ?

Resident 15 : Work very hard for nothing; unlike councillors.

Cllr Gordon : Oh, worked for nothing, shut up.

Residents leave to vote for someone else.

End of scene.

And now as a reward you can see the original scene.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard


2 comments:

  1. marvellous stuff, Mr M: I think that Cllr Gordon will be awfully amused - but them Mrs Angry always looks on the bright side of life ... actually attempting to write Cllr Gordon's appraisal gave Mrs Angry a migraine this weekend, so there has been an unfortunate delay, but this is indeed a work in progress ...

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  2. Good Grief - speaking from Haringey , I never would have believed that dear old Barnet would allow its looters and hoodlums operate in its Council Chamber rather than forcing them on to the streets as we do over here.

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