5 October 2012

Meet the Chief (of Haringey, in waiting)

So either non-stick was not that confident of getting the Haringey job such that he set dates for staff to meet him, or else he was just carrying on as normal so that no-one got wind of his idea to jump ship during the biggest unfinished staff upheaval ever seen, or his P.A. sets the dates and wasn't in on his guilty secret.

Either way, who will want to meet yesterday's man now?

Maybe non-stick saw Q4 of the poll on the left.

I am inspired by the Chief Executive. Yes. 2 - No. 10.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

A joint blogger statement on the Resignation of Nick Walkley



Dear Councillor

It was announced yesterday that Mr Nick Walkley, the Chief Executive of Barnet Council, is leaving in order to take up a position in Haringey.

This unexpected development immediately raises the most serious questions regarding the progress of the controversial £1billion One Barnet programme which is due to outsource the majority of our council services to the private sector: a hugely over ambitious project which bears the risk of being a spectacular failure, and having a devastating impact on the lives of residents in our borough.

We have a right to know why Mr Walkley, the architect of this programme, is leaving at this crucial point in the proceedings, just as the procurement process reaches its conclusion, and the successful bidders are chosen.

We note that this departure arises in the wake of the revelation that the council leader, Councillor Richard Cornelius, admits that he knew nothing about a decision by the senior officers of the council to change the outsourcing model of the DRS service bid from a strategic partnership to an even higher risk Joint Venture. This is a decision which has been taken by officers acting with consultants and bidders, without oversight from the elected members of this authority, and is therefore an action taken in open defiance of the democratic process which us supposed to safeguard the best interests of residents of this borough.

We question the unrestricted expenditure of millions of pounds on unaccountable consultants acting as "implementation partners" for what is, at best, the biggest risk undertaken by any local authority with the money and trust invested in them by residents and tax payers: a scandalous waste of our money at what is supposed to be a time of austerity, and when we have seen savage reductions in council spending, leading to widespread hardship and the loss of community resources such as the much loved local library in Friern Barnet, and the Church Farmhouse museum.

As residents, tax payers, and local bloggers, we call for an emergency session of the full council in order to discuss the implications of Mr Walkley's resignation and for the immediate suspension of the One Barnet programme pending the outcome of an external and fully independent audit of the risks involved in this £1 billion gamble with our money, our services, Our Barnet.

Yours faithfully

Derek Dishman
John Dix
Vicki Morris
Theresa Musgrove
Roger Tichborne


The above is a seriously made and sincere request but as it is Friday, which traditionally is the day on which bloggers jest, here is the resignation letter that Nick Walkley won't be writing.


Dear Mr X,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you.........

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation.

However, I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the company.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n.de. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of reference. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day'.
 
Perhaps Barnet Council might like to think again about outsourcing the IT department?
 
Yours frugally
 
Mr Musatrd

The Friday Serious (& joke)

Mr Mustard's alter ego is not only a debt collector, he is also a property developer (that sounds a bit over-stated as he only develops one house at a time and tries to return them to a more original state by adding things like wooden sash windows - actually he might call himself a Property Improver from now on - don't use the shorthand version of PImp!). He is just moving towards exchange on his current project so he now wants to buy another run down house in Chipping Barnet to improve - probate sales especially welcome. He agrees a price and then moves quickly, no waiting around for surveys as he relies on his own judgment.

The current project was owned by a widow who had the misfortune to be introduced to a roofer who her son's girlfriend found down the pub (this is the story he has been told by a neighbour in the know) as they were cheaper. The roofer stripped the roof, threw the old concrete tiles and battens into the loft space, got the old widow to pay him for the job (she probably wasn't up for climbing ladders to check) and then buggered off leaving the roof uncovered. A completely b'stard way of going on. The old widow had to find new roofers in a hurry and pay a second time for the same job.

@MPSBarnet (good to follow) are tweeting today on this horrible type of crime


and in other news, Nick Walkley is leaving Barnet Council

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

4 October 2012

Nick Walkley Walks to Haringey

Barnet Council

Haringey Council
There we have it. The Barnet Chief Exec pocketed £250,818 (including the pension pot payment which is simply deferred pay) and the Haringey Chief Executive got £233,862 (returning officer fees deducted for a fair comparison). Now the difference is £16,956 or some people's salary and you might think that if you are paid a six figure sum it doesn't matter but a drop in salary always rankles.

Why go?

Has non-stick Nick finished what he came here to do? Well Mr Mustard would say not, as he is leaving before the One Barnet contracts have been awarded and an extra 6 months to make sure they are working properly would be the actions of a person who finishes the job.

Has non-stick left behind a good team of well trained up senior managers and is there a candidate who can step into his shoes? No. We are in the midst of a senior management restructure. The Chief Finance Officer has taken his £1,000 a day habit to East Sussex where it swelled to more than £1,100 a day (and where the rumour is he won't be staying). Would a Town Hall Tax Dodger get a warm welcome as the new Chief Executive? Somehow Mr Mustard doubts it.

Who else have we got at the top of the organisation who could take over? Who is that eminently forgettable Assistant Chief Executive who is trying to get squatters out of a building by, yes, giving them a building. We might as well let the squatters stay where they are, especially as they are doing such a good job. What was her name, oh that's it, Julie camera-shy Taylor. We can't have a Chief Executive who is afraid of their own shadow. Any other Directors up to the job? - None of them seem at all inspiring.

Mr Mustard is now thinking about non-stick Nick's legacy. What has he done for Barnet? Mr Mustard couldn't think of anything so he went for help. He downloaded Nick's performance report for the last quarter.

Barnet Council Chief Executive q1 Performance report 2012-13

So what fantastic achievements were there in the months of April, May & June 2012? 

The report calls for the top 3 achievements. Somehow Nick listed 4. He really should read the question before answering.

Moved teams into a call centre. Mr Mustard tested the call centre and it was a failure; uncaring and inhumane, insisting that the disabled have to apply for their blue badges on-line. Not an achievement to be proud of.

Delivery of the new website to timetable. Mr Mustard has the original timetable. The website was only a year or two late and it is horrible and cost over £700,000.

Launch of the Big Society Innovation Fund. "I gave away free money". For that we should haul non-stick up onto our shoulders and parade him through the streets of Barnet, shouldn't we? OK, maybe not.

Successful transfer of the Hampstead Garden Suburb library to the residents. So non-stick claims credit for giving a library away; not sure many people would agree that was an achievement, can you hear the cheering from Friern Barnet?

It looks like non-stick hasn't achieved much for a man costing us a quarter of a million pounds a year. Get yourself over to Haringey as soon as you like non-stick. You won't be missed here especially by those who now have the job of undoing One Barnet.

The worry is who we will now get in his place. Someone with good people management skills who gets out there and really listens and just quietly gets on with implementing sensible policies that work and doesn't have a slogan and doesn't think they should cost us a quarter of a million a year. A salary of £100,000 is ample. The new incumbent might have to do a hatchet job on those earning more than that but possibly if the senior management were all cut and not replaced the staff might just be able to get on with their jobs and actually get things done.

The future is in the hands of the seven councillors who make up the Chief Officers Appointments Panel whose members are not obviously listed on the council website (stand by in FOI!)

Which seven councillor's judgment do you trust?

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard


Delegated management


This is pure Barnet. So managers are paid to manage and yet they expect their underlings to ask for the mid-year review which the managers are measured on.

A great image above, inflicted on staff as a screensaver. So in the mirror "Where are we going?" a very good question, well ignoring the fact that it is in the mirror behind you and so you have missed your turning, we are going to the planet of One Barnet via a completely empty road with empty headed councillors in the back seat. We seem to be going up the middle of the road which certainly doesn't describe Barnet, the car (no driver, or at least not one with his/her hands on the wheel, maybe there is a consultant in the background somewhere) should be lurching to the right. Lovely smooth tarmac, it must be the road to the home of councillors Cornelius or is it the imaginary road to Robert Ram's imaginary library? You decide.

Interesting language on the gantry. Surely "must be completed" would be better, using the imperative but perhaps nobody cares. Did anybody care last year?

Mid year reviews were reported on in Q3 of 2011/12.

Department Achieved Required Success
Commercial 126 129 98%
Deputy Chief Exec 295 308 96%
EPR 769 825 93%
Chief Exec 217 236 92%
Children's 644 725 89%
Corporate Governance 62 71 87%
Adults 354 423 84%
Totals 2,467 2,717 91%




Not completed
250

So that was 250 employees left drifting along not knowing if they were performing properly or not.

Let's see if the management do better this year. By the way managers, you should drive the process, set time aside and book all of your employees in, chuck that One Barnet theoretical nonsense out of the window and look after your people.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

3 October 2012

Let's appear to do something about the parking problem

The Parking consultation team at full speed
It must be at least 2 years ago that the residents of Chipping Barnet (or High Barnet as it is often otherwise known) were consulted about the operation of the CPZ. Since then, despite chasing by at least 2 of the neighbours nothing has been heard. There was a question about it at a residents' forum about 6 months ago and the answer was that there wasn't enough resource to deal with the answers (or more likely that the answers were not the ones that were wanted and so we got kicked into the long grass). Time for a question at the next residents' forum later this month (unless it is less than 6 months since the question was asked in which case we will be in the stupid position of being time-barred from asking about the ridiculous council delay - this is democracy as practised in Barnet) as, by some miracle, there has been plenty of time since then to get the Saracens CPZ onto the drawing board.

Having comprehensively messed up parking in Barnet in 2011 and set the whole of the borough's traders against them (well not the ones in Brent Cross obviously) instead of simply reversing the bonkers decision to remove parking meters the council simply blunder on despite howls of protest and constructive suggestions. Richard Cornelius and Dean Cohen simply tinker at the edges. A 30p reduction is meant to please traders? It shows an astonishing lack of understanding of the problems faced by Barnet's traders.

Anyway, the council, being bereft of ideas, decided to consult with traders. Mr Mustard should have been consulted but wasn't. The consultation end date was 28 September.



12 September 

Dear Sirs

We have operated a business in High Barnet for 25 years. We should be consulted about parking arrangements. The Consultation

Please send the referred to letter.

Yours sincerely


Guess what? Mr Mustard did not get a reply in time and missed the deadline. Never mind, it will be at least 2 years before anything happens so you can still write in if you like. Mr Mustard wrote again today.

Dear Sirs

I don't know why you didn't respond to my email of 11 September requesting a copy of the letter sent to businesses about parking and so I have missed your consultation deadline.

I am sure that you won't yet have considered the results so there is no prejudice in you now adding my views to the ones received.
In 2010 parking worked; traders and residents were not, on the whole, unhappy.

In 2012 parking is clearly broken with the expected income in the first quarter down by £600k (money talks); traders and residents are very unhappy and there is open revolt in certain quarters and the council, by merely tinkering at the edges, is risking the threat of widespread revolt.

Therefore, in the short term, the answer is simply to reverse what happened in 2011. So put parking meters back that accept cash & add the facility for credit cards. By all means retain pay-by-phone and in the years to come its use will increase although what is more likely is that it will be overtaken by some other new technology. Also put the charges back to what they were at the start of 2010.

In the long term for High Streets the council needs to implement the ideas set out in the Portas review. Primarily there needs to be a free parking period so that people start to visit the local town centres again. I used to visit North Finchley purely to visit the book shop as you could park outside for a while for free and this despite there being, at that time, 2 bookshops in Chipping Barnet (North Finchley had a stock range which wasn't available locally). I would inevitably also go into other shops whilst I was there. Once the now closed Borders opened at London Colney and parking restrictions existed at N Finchley I simply didn't visit that High Street any more (not until in the last 12 months when I found out about Cafe Buzz and when I visit there I either do it by motorcycle which is free to park or I park the van on the edge of the CPZ and walk in).

In addition, all restrictive hours need to be reviewed, as they are a hotchpotch, to see if their times could be reduced, especially CPZs as we have some that are for 1 hour, others all day and some town centres (e.g. Totteridge) without a CPZ and restrictions which are only intended to maximise traffic flow at peak hours. Our High Streets need to be put onto a level playing field with shopping centres which offer free parking even if all day free cannot be managed as there simply isn't the free space.

The areas covered by some of the CPZs are huge and far bigger than the handful of streets envisaged by their enabling legislation. The spread of them should be reviewed to see if they can be reduced as during their hours of operation many roads in all day zones sit empty which is a complete waste of a resource.

In summary, radical change and less local government interference in parking would be a good thing.

Make it simple to park, make it easy to pay, make the charges reasonable, and people will come back to the High St.

Yours sincerely

This email has been now been added to the response pile as Mr Mustard copied it to an Assistant Director to make sure something happened. 

Right, sit back and wait. Will it be days, weeks, months, years or decades before the results are published or will the answers simply be too unpalatable to the council and never see the light of day?

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard



2 October 2012

Mr Mustard's FOI Club

cookipedia

With the winter nights approaching Mr Mustard has now got around to sorting out a venue for the FOI (freedom of information club). What finer pursuit could there be on a wet winter's evening than to sit with like minded souls (and possibly a fine pint of beer) and have a chat about questions that you would like to ask of public authorities such as:

Barnet Council (who have a very poor FOI record with Mr Mustard)
Metropolitan Police (who are simply brilliant at FOI and a shining beacon for others to copy)
NHS (not tested, yet)
Central Government
Schools (tried one and they were fine)
Barnet Homes (like going to the dentists - you have to pull teeth)
other local authorities (currently testing 4 who are doing badly)
etc

The purpose of the monthly meetings will be to learn how to use the Act better, how to write precisely targeted questions, to discuss answers received, to discuss exemptions that have been applied to prevent release of information etc

For the benefit of Barnet Council (good morning to one and all) the meetings are not for the purposes of acting in concert to ask questions that form part of a campaign; they are going to be educational meetings. Once established we might have guest speakers and it would be good to have the view from the FOI officer's side of the table. The appearance fee will be a drink or two, below £10 so that you don't have to write it in the gifts & hospitality ledger. You might get asked more FOI questions if there is a lot of interest (hard to say) but at least the ones that you do get will hopefully be better written so that they are easier to comprehend. Some questions might fall away if one member of the club knows the answer that another person wants to know.

If you want to be invited, send an email to mrmustard@zoho.com and details of the date, time and venue will be emailed to you.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard