More change please! another Friday joke

Some well meaning soul thought that it would be a good idea for those people who are going to get their P45, or be sent to work in East Croydon, to have these uplifting thoughts about change to brighten up your day. 

Of course, a 2 hour train journey to East Croydon is an ideal time to learn some new skills, such as getting an MBA from BT Vital Vision ( oh you are naughty Mrs Angry, what will they do in week two indeed?! ) but that pre-supposes that you don't have to juggle children and aged parents, or a disabled partner etc etc

So Mr Mustard amended the intranet entry to be more interesting and here it is. Enjoy your weekend!

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10 Tips on Managing Sex Change

‘Change’ 'Sex' is a small word that can strike fear in the hearts of many. Yet life is full of change Sex, especially in the working world. While you may not always get to decide when change Sex happens, you can learn to manage it. These 10 tips will help even the most change Sex-phobic person stay calm and in control:

1. Don’t resist. While your gut reaction to change Sex is often refusal, such a response is not productive. Change Sex is inevitable, and you must learn to accept it. The quicker you do, the smoother your transition.

2. Find the positives. Even the most difficult changes Sex can produce positive results. Don’t waste time dwelling on what you don't like. Focus instead on the potential benefits and new opportunities the changes Sex may bring.

3. Create a list. You'll feel much better about change Sex when you're able to manage its details and results. Make a list of what needs to be done to implement the change Sex. The more prepared you are, the less change Sex will overwhelm you.

4. Familiarise quickly. Jump headfirst into change Sex, whether it’s new ways of doing things, new offices, or new teams. Take time to learn a new programme, or introduce yourself to a new colleague. The more quickly you are acclimatised to new things, the more quickly they will become familiar to you.

5. Consider others. Change Sex rarely affects one person; in most cases it affects many people at once. Change Sex experienced as a group can become either a supportive, unifying experience or a negative, frustrating one. Consider what kind of group you want to be a part of, and make it happen through your words and actions.

6. Focus on one change Sex at a time. While we can learn to accept and manage change Sex, piling numerous changes Sex up all at once can become too overwhelming, even for the most flexible of us. If there are many changes Sex acts going on in your working life, this is probably not the best time to also start those home renovations.

7. Exercise patience with yourself. When things change Sex up significantly, accept that you will not be able to master them all right away. Give yourself a break, and don’t add to your stress by trying to become a whiz at everything overnight.

8. Ask productive questions. Ask yourself questions that will make a positive difference, such as ‘How can I help facilitate the transition?’ or ‘How will I need to adjust my day to accommodate this new process?’ Avoid asking ‘Why?’ and instead learn to move forward by asking questions that will help you become comfortable with the changes Sex.

9. Take control. Change Sex is stressful because it threatens a person’s sense of control. Don’t allow a powerless feeling to overwhelm you; face new challenges head-on. Focus on how you can make it work for you and you’ll feel empowered by your renewed sense of control.

10. Don’t get too comfortable. While it's important to familiarise and adjust to change Sex, it's fruitless to believe things will not. change Sex again. Adjust, but do so with the knowledge that nothing lasts forever, and this too may give way to more change Sex in the future.

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Ladies, Mr Mustard has enjoyed a lot of change in his lifetime, so if you want to benefit from his experience first-hand, do please send an email to mrmustard@zoho.com !

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

The revolving door

Although services to the Residents of the London Borough of Barnet hardly change, the management structure seems to be in a permanent state of flux and change always costs money, and Mr Mustard is not referring to loose change here. Mr Mustard does not know if there is a revolving door on the front of the management block as he has not been to the site since STC occupied it.

The Accounts for the year ended 31 March 2011 ( not yet signed off ) include a table of salaries for Senior Officers and show any pay-offs ( compensation for loss of employment in accounting speak ) received by Officers who got shown the door in one of the numerous reshuffles. Here is the table :-

Sorry it is sideways. You can look at these entire Accounts here

Mr Mustard has put x marks next to the line of interest. The Assistant Director Environment left the Council in 2009/10 with a payoff of £118,162 

As they had already been paid £81,571 for that year they most probably left ( were pushed? ) in the first quarter of 2010. 

So this was the deletion of a post that was no longer required?

What do we see now in the just issued Corporate structure chart? yes, the post of Assistant Director - Environment; Mr Mustard thought that was a bit odd as only last year the post was not needed.

Then he went back and looked at the Interim Corporate Structure chart from December 2010. Oh yes, there we are Assistant Director - Environment ( Lynn Bishop ) at the end of the same year as the previous incumbent left with a sackload of cash, in fact more salary than the current incumbent is paid in a year, so it would have been cheaper to keep the former incumbent of the post.

Then Mr Mustard looked at the senior salary information for October 2010 and lo and behold there is Lynn Bishop on £88,986 p.a. so that is an even shorter gap between one AD of Environment going and the replacement arriving. Now having done some research Mr Mustard finds that Mrs Bishop was previously in Greenspaces so at least a fat recruitment fee was not paid to Hays to move her up the ladder.

Doubtless Mr Mustard will now have to suffer a Yes Minister comment from someone at Barnet Council telling him why the new AD Environment is completely not the same as the old one and that giving the old one £118,162 to go home was

focusing relentlessly on efficiency to ensure every public pound is spent wisely

That last sentence was signed off by Nick Walkley & Cllr Richard Cornelius in the welcome to the Corporate Plan 2011-13

Your new addition to the cabinet, Cllr Longstaff, must have been giving you some one-liners from his stand-up routine Cllr Cornelius ?

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard

Is this non-job #3 ? "Change & Innovation Manager" in E&O

This is the first in a series of non-job blogs ( the first 2 were of course April Fools' jokes )

You might need a double espresso to keep you going until the end of this rather long blog. Its not my fault, its all the Barnet OneSpeak twaddle.

So this post was created in March 2010 on a salary scale of £47,550 to £50,913. You can read the full Role Profile here.

http://tinyurl.com/3wjj5az

I question why the post was created given that OneBarnet plans to out-source most things ?

It looks like a Herculean task to me. Let us just consider the "purpose of the job" as set out in the Role Profile with my comments added in red:-

The post holder will advise the Strategic Management Board on how to lead the E&O establishment in terms of organisational change and workforce planning, and the development of an operational culture based on the highest professional values. Working closely with the Strategic Management Board and Heads of Service, the manager will be responsible for the highest level advice and support in the implementation of change and innovation throughout the sub-services that fall under E&O. ( So before this post the Strategic Management Board were all at sea ? )

The post-holder will advise the Strategic Management Board and Heads of Service on how to apply creative and innovative thinking across the Council’s E&O service functions. This work will include the development of new ways of working in terms of service planning/delivery and new policies and procedures. In addition, the post-holder will help create new services and functions as well as significantly change existing services and functions within E&O. ( Once everything has been privatised this job will be the ultimate non-job and if I was the office holder I would be looking for a new job )

To lead in the delivery of the system thinking interventions and develop creative and innovative solutions to all aspects of the change and improvement restructuring project. (system thinking interventions - who makes up this guff ?)

If you can stand it, take a read of the Role Specific Responsibilities ( or skip to the end )

Lead for advising the management teams on how to ensure that Environment & Operations’ business systems are fit for current and future service needs (natch)

Advise the relevant senior manager on how to lead change management processes across the Directorate in a collaborative and consultative style with both internal staff and external stakeholders ( don't senior managers know about this stuff ? )

Acting as a catalyst for change through innovation and challenge, help senior managers create development strategies that enable the service to deliver its vision through the creation of a shared sense of purpose and an environment, which motivates and develops skills and transforms the management and quality of E&O service areas. ( do senior managers need a catalyst to get them moving ?)

Lead on the Directorate’s Communication Strategy and its delivery internally and externally ( how many communications people do Barnet need? There's an Assistant Director of this in the Chief Executives Department with 13 people reporting to him ).

Assist the directorate in developing and co-ordinating a transformation programme, which is to be delivered by Heads of Service.  ( Do as you are told ? )

• Undertake both primary and secondary research, apply analytical thinking, draw references and conclusions, which convert into change proposals for E&O services. ( Find justification for the planned privatisations ?)

Advise the Service Director and other appropriate officers on relevant issues relating to the transformation project to ensure compliance with the Council’s statutory duties.

Lead the process of creating the Council’s annual improvement plan, articulating E&O’s priorities for change, improvement, innovation and transformation. ( Isn't change another word for transformation ? )

Provide project management assistance to Heads of Service on best value reviews and monitor implementation of best value action plans. ( Best value ? Discuss in-built bias ? )

Lead on the review of quality systems and procedures throughout E&O service areas and in establishing new arrangement including subsequent auditing & monitoring. ( Monitoring, Barnet ? MetPro to you ! )

Lead E&O’s development of appropriate management information to assist Heads of Service in creatively planning and delivering their sub-services efficiently and effectively. ( Was the word standard omitted after sub ? )

Research, disseminate and apply innovative ideas and practices across E&O services, helping senior managers create new services and functions as well as significantly changing existing services and functions To make recommendations on new processes and improvements to existing processes and agree them with the Director of E&O. ( Yeah, great )

Now let's take a look at what the incumbent Mr Jonathan Tunde-Wright thinks. Not the shy and retiring type, he has a personal website. I have cut and paste from it.


I believe in Government but I also believe in community and accountability.

I believe in the wisdom of crowds but also recognise the insanity of the mob

I believe in an empowered networked society shaping its own direction and destiny;  but I also believe in strong and visionary leadership.

I believe in transparency and engagement but also recognise selfish ambitions and agendas.

I believe the workforce of any organisation (at all tiers) is its greatest asset and should be treated and utilised as such.

I believe in the power and importance of emotional intelligence.

I believe a vast majority of UK public sector workers are a noble and hard working breed.

I am persuaded that organisational culture eats strategy breakfast. ( what the f*ck ! )

I believe that true change and innovation stems from organic, grassroot and collaborative effort. ( grassroots, pl )

I believe in the power & potential of social media as a revolutionary concept .

I am a part-time PG student at the Warwick Business School (Masters in  Public Administration) 

I believe you should be thrown out on your ear and £50,000 saved. - MrMustard

I will leave you to form your own opinions about all that guff and if you can stand it you can find more on his website here 
http://jonathan.uk.com/?page_id=28

If only Barnet would use Plain English we might understand what they were doing ?

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard