17 November 2011

A posting that would meet with the approval of Barnet Council

As you know Barnet Council reported Mr Mustard to the Information Commissioner for not being registered under the Data Protection Act. They said that as I was not registered I could only blog about personal, family or household matters, yes really, see below.

click to enlarge, back to return
Now as Mr Mustard is a law abiding sort of person he has written today's blog in that vein. Here it is.

What I did today

Today I rose bright and early. I went to the paper shop and bought the Guardian. As the paper shop keep Private Eye on the counter the joke caught my eye and so I bought that as well, only £1.50. Then I remembered that I was out of milk and I don't like black tea so I bought some milk as well ( semi skimmed - skimmed milk is like water that has been coloured white and gold top will give you a heart attack ). The bill came to £4.60. I paid with an old grubby £5 note and received three 10p coins and two 5p coins in change. It really annoys me when the shopkeeper gives me stupid little coins, I would have much preferred two 20p coins, but I suppose he can only give me what he has, or wants to get rid of. When I got home I made a cup of tea and put on some porridge. I make it with half milk and half water and it only takes a few minutes to make and keeps me going all morning. The doorbell went and one of the neighbours dropped in. They had a cup of tea, no biscuit because they are fattening and middle-aged spread is starting to set in (me and them). They told me they had ordered something on-line and it would be coming me to as I am usually at home. The parcel delivery companies know to come to number 239; they often come here with parcels for other houses in the road even when there isn't a note on other people's doors to do so. After 15 minutes talking about the weather and a possible visit to the pub to do the quiz on Thursday evening at The Lord Nelson the neighbour left to go to the garden centre and then their allotment. I remembered I still had my potatoes in the ground and it was time to get them out before the frosts start. I found my fork and started digging. I thought about my girlfriend who wants one of those special forks for digging potatoes up. They have a ball shape on the end of the tines as otherwise no matter how careful you are you always stick the fork through the biggest potato and with the price of food in the shops nowadays you can't afford to waste food. Maybe I will buy her one of these special forks for Christmas ( overly romantic I know ) Some of the potatoes have gone green because the soil on top of them has been washed away. Green sections of potato are poisonous and should not be eaten, peel those sections away or cut them off. I was a bit tired after I had done all of that digging so I came indoors and sat down and had another cup of tea and a cheese and onion sandwich using red onions I had grown myself. Red onions are harder to grow than white ones and they tend to be a little sweeter which makes them perfect for use in sandwiches. Then I went into the dining room where my meccano scale model of Tower Bridge needs some time spending on it. One tower is complete and I am just starting on the second one. I could go on but no-one would read a blog like this, would they?

Now imagine that Barnet Council ruled the world. How interesting a place would it be? The above blog would not have any readers, now would it? and the secret machinations of Barnet Council would remain secret which is, of course, just how they like it. 

Others have written far more eloquently than Mr Mustard on this attempt by Barnet Council to silence a blogger and which would have had enormous repercussions for freedom of speech throughout the land. I recommend that you read David Hencke's blog and that of The Liberal Conspiracy here and Crash Bang Wallace here and the FOI documents are here.

If you are unhappy with the behaviour of Barnet Council then you can tell the Chief Executive by emailing him at this link or the Leader of the Council on this link. Mr Mustard has not yet written to complain as he is still waiting to find out which person started the ball rolling and who it was who authorised the complaint to the ICO as well as the legal power which the council were operating under. I am sure that the Chief Executive and the Leader would both be pleased to hear from you.

I also promise that the next blog post will not be a load of made-up boring rubbish about the life of Mr Mustard ( which is actually very full and exciting ).

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard


  1. Brilliant! The best way to attack them is through ridicule.

  2. Dear Mr Mustard: I thought this was a wonderful post, and is bound to please everyone at the London Borough of Broken Barnet with its wholesome content. I personally would have liked to have had some spiritual guidance and half baked political views thrown in too, but you can't have everything. I am sure the Cabinet Member for the Environment will be thrilled with your allotment report: and I am also sure that you girlfriend will appreciate you giving her a special fork for Christmas.

  3. Thank goodness that, at the exact moment you bought "Private Eye", you hadn't remembered that Mike Freer has been awarded

    "Banker of the Year"

    for his services to the public, and that Barnet every so often appears in the

    "Rotten Boroughs"


    In fact, perhaps you HAD remembered all that, but you have felt constrained in not mentioning it.

  4. Well done, Mr M. I was thinking of writing a mock post along those lines to illustrate the point you make. (I now have a couple of cats to write about as well, remember.) Glad you've done it - and much more apposite as it was you the council was having a go at.

    However, I didn't know that about green potatoes. (You see, there is a public information aspect to even these most tedious of blogs.)

    You know that actually there are lots of (tedious) blogs like this fictional post - but they don't have the wide readership and political - sometimes national - political impact that blogs like yours - the real one - do, so keep up the good work!

    Let's all keep up the good work! (I forgot that I am one of the Famous Five as well - have barely had time to blog, lately. These cats take some looking after, I can tell you.)

  5. loved your 'what I did today' piece. Do you add honey or treacle to your porridge? Do tell us next time. Maybe I will do a guest blog describing my collections of cigarette cards and back numbers of the Beano


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