5 May 2013

Dear Miss Michael, Mr Mustard is sorry.

Dear Miss Michael

Mr Mustard is sorry as he thinks he should accept a modicum of responsibility for what happened to you in the High Rd last September when you were the victim of a common assault by Cllr (acting in his private capacity per the council's smoke machine) Brian Coleman.

Mr Mustard emailed Brian when he lost his seat on the London Assembly in May 2012 (he lost his head locally!) and suggested, amongst other things, the following,

“I think you need a new approach.

It would involve:-

listening to others
treating them with respect
carefully considering their opinions
not forcing your own opinions on them
accepting that bloggers are part of the political landscape in 2012
reversing most of the decisions you have taken recently ( i.e. reduce CPZ charges and install parking meters, keeping public parks public and so on).
You need a complete change of mentality and image. You need to become Brian “Cuddly” Coleman or some other more people friendly image.”

Now when Mr Mustard wrote that advice he didn't think Brian would interpret it as meaning he should get all up close and personal with you in September 12 (keep your friends close and your enemies closer, he certainly couldn't have got much close) as the cctv shows (thank goodness he wasn't the cabinet member with responsibility for cctv and so this footage couldn't get lost)

Now that isn't at all like what Mr Mustard would call cuddling, it is better described as undignified grappling, conduct unbecoming of a gentleman and a councillor.

Brian was lucky he didn't get a parking ticket, there is never a traffic warden around when you really need one.

You Helen should be given the freedom of the borough but you can realistically expect nothing but silence and a refusal to accept what Brian did from amongst his former cabinet colleagues. Mr Mustard might be wrong, as soon as he is back from his holidays Richard Cornelius will be straight into Cafe Buzz to offer his personal and heartfelt apologies for failing to act with decision and honour and I know you will accept his apology with dignity, which is the whole way in which you have conducted yourself since you became the queen of the parking resistance.

For those readers who haven't been to North Finchley for some time, do please go there. There is free car parking in the car parks today (Lodge Lane is nearest to Cafe Buzz).  Mr Mustard doesn't drink coffee very often as he is a tea person, he can vouch for the tea being excellent (oops Mr Mustard left without paying for 2 cups yesterday) and others do enjoy the coffees (and Mrs Angry was consuming an enormous portion of chocolate cake yesterday which was self evidently excellent). He can vouch for the breakfasts which are served all day.

Free parking again tomorrow on the bank holiday. There are other good shops in N Finchley (Waterstones and Tally Ho fruit and veg to name but two - don't forget Mr Mustard's home of High Barnet either with Hopscotch Sweets being well worth a visit)

Sorry, once again for putting ideas into Brian's head.

Yours frugally

Mr Mustard


  1. I must ask you to publish a retraction: I did not consume an enormous portion of cake, but shared it with Mr Alon Or-bach, and then forgot to pay, as usual, followed, as it was, by rather a lot of champagne.

  2. It seems that both Mr Mustard and Mrs Angry forgot to pay for the tea and portion of cake. Has any of the other bloggers forgot to pay for what they have consumed in Cafe Buzz.???. I hope not.

  3. Here is my retraction. You did not consume an enormous portion of cake Mrs Angry. You consumed half of an enormous portion but sorry it was still enormous and for a man who forgot to have lunch, too busy planting asparagus, it looked delicious.

  4. Don't worry chimpata, Helen has proved she can look after herself. If anyone leaves without paying in future she will chase after them with her camera and film them....................or maybe not.

    As it happens tea was on Helen. Mr Mustard has been forgiven.


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